Oh hey there always dreaming, confused, stupid, beautiful, gullible, overdramatic heart...
The degree to which I feel is unreal. Just everything, ten times over. Two nights ago I had a stupid dream about a stupid boy. However stupid..my heart returns to a place I don't want to fight.
Being nearly the only one in a coffee shop with pouring rain outside is my idea of absolute bliss. I don't know what it is, but it soothes my soul.
There are not nearly enough hours in a day to accomplish all that I'd like or should.
I already know that I have a hard time saying no to people and opportunities...if I'm asked to help with something, I've noticed that I very validated and needed in it. To a fault though, because I take on too much.
The thing is - I don't even like people that take on so many things that they can only complete them adequately, but not necessarily well. I don't even hang out with those people . . . yet, I am one. And if there's anything I know about myself, it's that when things get too much and I'm overwhelmed, my only coping method is to ignore it all and wish desperately for it to go away. Not because I don't love it, but because the stress of being relied on is far more than I can handle.
I'd say that I'm versatile and that my talents are transferable between many of life's situations. Too many at the same time.
Creativity is the concept that makes me love and cherish the abstract things of life, but at the same time, is the cause of turing my whole world inside out and my plans into complete oblivion, which I mostly despise.
I wonder if I'll ever move away from St. Peter's..I feel like my settlement is here. The kind of settling a married couple starting a family would do. Except, you know, I'm not married. Marry the church? problem solved. I don't know..
Sigh. Still trying to find my place amongst this mess that, despite my best efforts, I cannot contain in a nice box with a big bow.
I'd very much like to simplify. Live scandalously by moving slowly through the rush and quietly through the noise.
St. Thérèse, Little Flower, simple in all things and proficient in love and purpose, pray for me.
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