If I had known that questioning connectedness would lead to so many more questions, perhaps I would have done the smart, safe thing and run completely away from the idea! I have found more questions than I have time for and more questions then I have personal experience to relate to. This is the challenge that comes with designing concepts. But by this point I have asked a hard question and I'm committed to not understanding it fully but still effectively communicating what I do know about it.
So, back to "what does it mean to have connection?" Let me walk you through my brainstorm analysis:
Connection - to connect - to belong.
That's about as far as I got before I panicked and consulted wisdom of the lady who started me on this questioning journey - Brené Brown (and specifically this article) - who I respect and admire for her dedication to unravelling hard and sometimes subjective life concepts.
She says:
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” - Brené Brown"They feel seen, heard, and valued.... can give and receive without judgement."
Ok, so then I figured that connection is asking the question: can I be known and can I be safe in who I am? But then I had to ask: what does it look like to be known? (At this point the questions are questioning themselves, incase you haven't noticed).
What does it mean to be known?
We use social media to know about people. "Connection" is the manifesto of social media but what if that's not what is really happening? What if social media connection is being confused with options for isolation? To have the ability to show our lives to people as a highlight reel of the good times (or the attention-seeking times..), or to show what looks put together. We can show people what we want them to see but then are we truly known? There are many stats and studies that suggest a greater disconnect, a greater loneliness as a result of this process. In this case, if we accept the social media type of connection as entirely connection then are we settling for counterfeit connection in the end? (At this point the questions are real deep and wildly unresolved).
Next thought:
˙ǝʌᴉʇɔǝdsɹǝd ʍǝu ɐ pǝǝu I
I have recently become obsessed with the idea of looking at the presence of something through the lens of that same thing's absence. So if I seem to be getting no where and everywhere with reflecting on connection, what happens if I consider occurrences of disconnection?
And the same many questions follow.
In this journey the conclusion I have come to is that letting other people see you is an act of your own will. You choose to let people in and to share with them. If you want people to know you, you have to tell them about yourself. All of this is vulnerability and all of vulnerability is scary and no WONDER we settle for any kind of other counterfeit connection.
And so I have decided my final statement in all of this. It requires vulnerability. It is an exchange between people that will allow connection. It is a question (go figure), but just like how choosing to show yourself to another person requires action, so then does the response of the other. Their response is important - it's the thing we're scared of. And so,
Connection asks: if I show you about myself, will you stay?
(What does it mean to "stay?" Just kidding! I'm stopping the questions right this very minute but this one intrigues me quite a lot and I'd be lying to say I won't revisit it again sometime.)
