It's this exciting, joyous occasion and I just feel this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Why did she have to give up? And why can't I accept that she's allowed to mess up. My sadness is her sadness and my pain is hers...but I don't even know all of it.
Her insecurities have stolen her happiness. I would never dream of that happening to me, but why does it have to be part of her cross to bear?
I'm sad that I can't sleep. Most of all, I'm sad because I'm sad. And I can't even decide why. It's like, all this has been given to me and I am so incredibly undeserving, but maybe I need to decide my worth in this. Not the sadness, but the blessings I've been given. One day it will all be crystal clear. Every question I have will be answered, but until that day of the first day of the rest of my eternity, I have a very specific purpose to fulfill. I know that forsure. I have that little star to be my guide. I truthfully don't know where I'm going and I'm not sure that I've been given even a little glimpse of the result. It's a hard thing to trust. But to trust is what I absolutely must do.
She's very in touch, I feel like, with the world around her, but at the same time, she talks of things beyond this world. At first I may have been jealous, but really, the person that she is is an attractive personality and I love her for the person that she is. And the person in which she's becoming. I proud to call her my friend. And now this is beginning to drift to being about two or three different people.
It's Easter, Christ is risen! Joy is what we have been given and I've got to receive this love and mercy given without condition. It's actually so hard for me to wrap my head around. I think, more than anything, I need to forget my head and focus on wrapping my heart around this mystery. But then again, that's just the thing...mystery is not meant to be understood.
I wanna know You like that.
